Honoring Dreams + Death

What’s your relationship to your dreams? 

There was a difficult time in my life when I could not recall any of my dreams. I experienced a deep disconnect between my waking life and dream life. This became a new form of grief. It wasn’t until I spent time on a Hopi reservation with those who connected me back to the land and guided me to their handmade dreamcatchers. When I returned home, I didn’t think anything of it as I hung the dreamcatcher on the wall where my head laid to rest. That was the first night I dreamed again. 

One of my favorite memories of living in an ashram with monks is when we spoke about dreams. One of the monks simply said – “What we experience in our dreams is another form of our reality. So it’s all real.” It struck me because I’ve existed in a culture where we don’t value our dreams, we’re quick to dismiss it, or find reasons to discredit these experiences. There’s grief in living within a society that dismisses the many different parts of life that I value so much. We can also remember there are still people and cultures that value our dream states, and we can continue to tend to our dreams as much as we tend to our waking lives. 

After my mother transitioned, I found ways to continue to connect with her. One pathway was through my dreams. My first dream of my mother was her standing peacefully in front of a boat named “Bella Donna '' in cursive writing. The entire dream was a vivid emerald scene where she was part of a vast, endless sparkling sea. It was so ethereal and tranquil which felt comforting and affirming given all the pain and suffering I witnessed as she was dying.  And there were times when I felt guilt, worry, and conflict in the ways in which she died. I would find myself asking for signs. One of these signs came through a dream where I reconnected with her. She was in an old pickup truck driving away, and when we met eyes she said, “I’m okay. Don’t worry, I’ll see you again.” 

Unexpectedly, I’ve found one of the greatest sources of tending to grief with my father and brother after my mother’s passing was by asking them about their dreams. I’d simply ask, “Have you had any dreams of mom?” This question has become a conversation starter to check-in with them. I’ve continued to ask them both this question for four years now where I’ve listened to their beautiful, surprising, and difficult dreams as they move through their own grief. This has become a gateway to connecting and healing. 

I’ve bonded with other family members who share their dreams of predicting deaths or meeting their transitioned loved ones in the dreamspace. I’ve heard and held clients through their death dreams and interpretations. I’ve listened to countless stories from both strangers and friends. Without needing to shame, overanalyze, or invalidate a person’s very real experience – dreams and death can be honored as a part of being alive. Perhaps if we’re honoring our dreams, we can further honor life and even death. 

Whether our dreams become continued sources of connection, signs, messages, or ways to process change and transition in your life – I hope you keep dreaming. 

To continually connecting to the essence of being alive. 
Mangda